Fat and soon to be Forty
This coming September 17th I will hit the big 4-0, the dreaded forty, the one birthday I am not looking forward to hitting! And I have come to the realisation that I will be hitting forty fat! Urgh!!
I have been plant-based for over a year now – I am choosing not to say vegan as I have moments of weakness when it comes to cheese and triple cheeseburgers from McDonalds – the worst kind of food to eat in all honesty but I own my mess ups – so I have been pretty strict on everything else – not milk or eggs at all in any foods I buy, no fish, gelatine or beeswax/honey, and a lot of the foods are heavily processed and junk basically. I am the opposite of what society sees a vegan as being – I am chunky and fat (in all wrong or right places depending on how you view it) not this skinny wafe who is too fine and pale looking.
Its summer and I definitely do not have a swimsuit ready body – stuff the ‘anybody is swimsuit ready’ manta to me I don’t feel it applies, I don’t like how I look flaunting these so called curves – I see plenty of big girls owning their body but I hate mine, yet here I sit typing this munching on crisps and drinking cherry cola – not exactly helping my cause is it!?
I have just over a month to lose weight, tone or whatever, my main focus is my belly. I hate it and that is where most of my weight gain goes to – who’s doesn’t? I have a mum belly – after three c-sections no wonder, 2 within 14 months of each other, and the possibility of having diastasis recti is probably high – so that is going to fun to rectify but not overly impossible….. I don’t think so anyway…?
I know what I need to do, its just getting over that beginner hurdle and actually doing it – I know making myself go hungry isn’t the way as I will just binge on food later on making my body store it and becoming a vicious circle of wondering why I am not losing weight,
I have a sedentary lifestyle and don’t do any exercise whatsoever – the occasional walk but nothing regular. I have plans to run, but there are always obstacles to not that I come up with – I don’t have proper trainers (I don’t have any trainers in fact), new ones cost too much, it’s raining, it’s hot and so on and so forth.
Depression, anxiety and stress are all huge factors in my weight as well, when i’m having a low day I binge food and eat all day and snack all night. When i’m stressed its the same but when I am depressed I don’t eat at all or eat mostly crisps. It is a vicious circle that I feel I am spirialing downward instead of upwards
When I last weighed myself I was just under the 12 stone mark and I dread to think what I am tipping the scales at the moment.