#BEsociety July Challenge – Day 7

julyday7

7. A difficult time in your life.

Oh tough one so early on in the month!
For me it was dealing with PND after the birth of Jack. It was hard for me and my family to understand what I was going through as none of us had experienced it before. Jack was born at 36 weeks by c-section and it was everything I didnt want in a birth (at that time)

It was especially hard on me as now I am left feeling guilty of how I felt towards him.

I waited until he was 9 months before seeking help and it was a trying time for me to admit that something was serious was wrong. It was the point where I wanted to drive my car into the canal that was the icing on the cake that coupled with hubby telling me to get my “fucking head seen too” his exact words by the way. I remember breaking down in the Dr office and when I did the PND test I scored 21 – which was worrisome high. I was prescribed anti-depressants and sent on my way with weekly visit follow up from my health visitor.

I was on the tablets for 3 years and had to come off them cold turkey as discovered I was pregnant with Max. I have been off them every since and whilst I have been fine after the birth of Max and Lucy there are still days when the black cloud comes over me but I manage to not let it take hold.

But then again I am a great pretender…

Fee

Fee is a 35 year old mother of three, who has been on the blogging scene since 1996. Over the years she has tried to change her style but finds the personal diary effect to be her niche – there are not many of those around in the blogging world nowadays.

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3 Responses to #BEsociety July Challenge – Day 7

  1. Teresa Kander July 7, 2014 at 3:32 am #

    You need to find a way to forgive yourself, Fee. You did the best you could at the time, and that’s all any of us can do. I have plenty of things I COULD feel guilty about when it comes to raising my three, but the fact is, they all turned out pretty great in spite of those things–and Jack will, too.

  2. Amanda Ripsam July 8, 2014 at 5:19 am #

    I have never delt with post postpartum depression like that mine was just I couldn’t do anything other then take care of my child. I never ate or slept well and I just gave up on myself I didn’t give up on my child I had a lot of health issues that I know now what they were but then I didn’t. It’s been a struggle to stay sane after a day treatment program I was put on meds as well. I’ll blog about it some day and share with select few. I understand the guilt but you know guilt is a useless emotion it serves no purpose and beating yourself up for something that was not in your control which is a debilitating conduction after birth proven fact you can’t turn it off and on like a light switch. I am sure your doing the best you can with what you have even though your hubby dose not sound like he was supportive or took time to understand how you felt.
    I really hope your stronger now and are able to help others who are going though what you had.

  3. Hilary @ The RNY Life July 8, 2014 at 7:29 am #

    I went through the same thing after I had Jasmine. It lasted for almost 2 years because I never seeked help mainly because I didn’t want pills. I was on them before I had her and all they did was make me sleep. Her birth went the exact opposite of how I planned and it was rough and the healing process was rough. My emotions, mind and body were drained. I call the time in my life “The dark night of the soul”. I was happy to be a mom and I loved my baby but I just couldn’t find happiness anywhere.